".. and don't call me Shirley"

I took the new huge Airbus back to the States to see my new niece and attend a conference.  The doubledecker is boarded from 2 different levels.  It's like a bunk bed, but instead is a bunk plane.  Luckily, you don't have to worry about farting coming from the other level... just the person next to you.  However, I think the airplane seat makers use a special fart absorbent fabric to make airplane seats.  The sound of the plane always disguises the fart as well.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all have pants made of airplane?  Pardon the puns, but when they speak of duty free, I think doodie free.  After 30 hours of travel... well let's just say I'm doodie free for a day or two.  I also enjoy when they say disarm the doors.  I think about how glad I am that the armed doors didn't attack me during the flight.  I also always wonder if they design airplane seats with a small, shared armrest just to see how passengers deal with it.  I always find that the best way to handle the armrest is to have 1 person take the front and one take the back.  Otherwise, the broadest shoulders tend to take control.  You can always tell the most polite people on the plane because they will have their arms crossed in their seat, trying to conserve space for their neighbors.  I tend to keep my laptop under the seat in front of me, so my legs are always squished back, with the knees up and then I tend to go with the crossed arms.  I wonder if one day airlines will try to just roll us into a ball or stuff us in a drawer during the flight.  The drawer option would actually be quite nice, I think.  Imagine being able to lay down the whole time.  I also find that the pillows they give you are always too huge for the seat headrest.  So either you have to choose to kink your neck back or kink it forward.  It's hard to get it just right.  Although, I've found that Qantas seats have headrests that fold out on the sides, so you can actually fall asleep without drooling on a neighbors shoulder.  As a side note, the Airbus in the picture had carbon fiber seats.  I felt really fancy and fast.  Lastly, I'd just like to bring up the bathrooms.  1 word, turbulence.  As a man, it feels like you're snowboarding as you're trying to get rid of the coffee and wine.